*Sigh*

Sometimes I just do that when I don't know what else to do. I'm in some kind of mood right now but I don't know how to explain it so I figured I'd try to write it out of me. This year for lent I decided to give up Facebook (I knoooooooooow) and I can see a lot of the positive ways that it has helped me already and I'm only about halfway through the 46 days.  I have had a lot more time to spend with my daughter, visiting family and friends, making real-time connections with people via phone call versus a wall post and it just has been really good. Another thing that it has allowed me to do (which I'm still trying to decide if its positive or negative) is have more time to be left with me... and my thoughts...

So, I'm at home and I've cleaned and put my daughter to bed and just sat on my couch to enjoy my handiwork and just enjoy ME and doing nothing for a change and I felt sad all of a sudden.  I couldnt put my finger on it at first but I came to realize that the feeling was more loneliness than sadness. I'm so used to being around people and hanging out with people and busy doing things with and for other people that its hard for me to enjoy me. Part of the problem is that I just dont know how. I dont know how just sit down or sit back and relax with nothing to do.

I also feel like another part of the issue is that I'm left with my thoughts... about what I want, where I am in life versus where I want to be, and to be honest just trying to figure out who I am and I get overwhelmed easily.  I know the solution isnt to surround myself with people all the time to avoid the thoughts and uncomfrotableness of it all, but how do you start the process to becoming ok with being by yourself, enjoying yourself? . I know I'm not the only one thats experienced this before.....so I'm open to hearing your feedback on this one....

Now I'm not saying this happens every time I have time to myself. There are days I get up and hang out with me, myself and I and we have a great time! Pampering ourselves, indulging in our favorite things to do whether its going to the park and just enjoying nature, taking a drive with no real destination or cleaning the house and laying across the bed with a good book. I love those days... but days like these when I'm sitting at home alone, and dont know what to do with myself are dreadful... so I've got to come up with a way to get over that.

I recently read in an article that said

Alone is a physical state, while feeling lonely is a mental state. You can be alone and not be lonely, and that’s one key is to find solace in being alone, even though you may always prefer to be in the presence of love, attention, and/or energy that makes you feel alive. To find some more ease and comfort in being alone (to ease the loneliness) you would re-frame what it means to be by yourself.

So step one (and my homework for my next 'alone time') at least according to this quote is to re-frame what it means to be alone. I guess I shouldn't let that time intimidate me but rather look at it as an opportunity to get to know myself better and do the things that I enjoy doing...I guess the more I do that the more comfortable I will become and I can eventually overcome this little 'hiccup' I have about being alone...*sigh*