The Single Life
Everybody's fairy tale life is different at least in the beginning (how it might start), but the endings usually boil down to the same thing. Happily. Ever. After. - Whether its the husband and wife with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog, or a family consisting of a loving same-sex partnership with someone who adores you and your children, its the thing that makes you happy and makes life beautiful that create your happily ever after for you. Love and all that other mushy stuff. I think as human beings we all (to some extent) long for a loving relationship/partnership with someone that we are compatible with, that loves us, complements us and that we 'click' with. Relationships can be a real safe haven and a place of comfort, love, support and encouragement. But until we get to that point...what do we do? Can we have a happily ever after without all those things? (Its not a test, so I'll tell you now the answer is yes, lol) When my 5+ years relationship ended almost 2 years ago (Wow, cant believe its even been that long) I was in a foreign place... I didnt know how to be by myself, I didnt like to be alone and I just didnt know what to do.
However, in the last couple of years, I have taken this time to learn more about myself, experience some things in life, enjoy living life by myself or trying to learn to anyway, putting myself first and its been really hard, hurtful, yet refreshing at times and very revealing. Things I didnt see before (about myself) were much more recognizable when I became single and I had to accept that it was truly MY issue, especially since there was no one else here to place the blame on. :) Being single has given me the opportunity to work on those issues, heal from emotional scars, REdevelop my self esteem, get rid of my insecurities, tear down some emotional walls I've built, and learned to trust people again. Yes, it gets lonely sometimes, but I definitely see the benefit in using the time productively and allowing yourself to heal as opposed to jumping into another relationship or 'be on the rebound' too fast. We usually wind up carrying all of these issues right into the next relationship.
I came across this article entitled "9 Reasons Why Being Single is Good for You" and thought it was...well interesting. I've summarized the main points below.. but click the link for more in depth info or to read the full article.
1. Being happy alone is a prerequisite before we can have a successful marriage or serious relationship. 2. Singleness gives us the ability to have all our attention on God. 3. Singleness is our opportunity to develop character and heal from deep emotional wounds before we get married. 4. Singleness is where you learn to become an asset and not a liability.5. Singleness is where we learn our Godly roles for being a husband or wife and develop relationship skills .6. Singleness is where we determine our value system. 7. Singleness is where you become financially stable and learn to be a proper steward of what God gives you.8. Singleness is where you prepare yourself to be what you are expecting from a future mate.9. Singleness is where you learn to manage your emotions and not allow emotions to be your decision making tool.
~Mo
I agree with #1 as well. Any two people can say 'I do' and go on for the rest of their lives, but two content people who know themselves and know love will live happily and content TOGETHER. #2 - Absolutely! Scripture confirms this and I am witnessing it for myself. When we are mated, our interests are divided. #3 - I agree, but I believe that these things can be done within a marriage. If #1 is evident, then #3 can happen within a marriage. But I'm sure it would be easier to do this being single because once again, your interests aren't divided (as they are in a marriage). With singleness, it's about you. #4 - At first I didn't agree, but yes, while in marriage two become one and we depend on each other, we should have something to bring to the relationship. He doesn't need to carry me and I carry him. So, during singleness, to be effective in marriage, we should be our best selves and in marriage only get better, not worse. #5 - Singless is a starting point, but we must learn how to be better husbands and wives everyday after we say 'I do.' That's when it really gets good because we can read up on it during singless so we can have an idea, true. But the test comes once we are in the relationship. #6 - I think this helps. It goes back to #1 and part of #2. #7 - Going back to #1 and #2 - if you are stingy now, then marriage won't help to change that. Must learn to be good steards while we are in 'singledom' so we can be good stewards with our mates. #8 - This is a repeat to me of #5. #9 - A starting point, starts with #1, but managing emotions, etc comes with experience, doesn't matter if you're single or married.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the list for the most part, but I think the writer must keep in mind that no one will be flawless when they say 'I do.' As long as the core values are there, and #1 is present between both mates, then I believe the rest of it will fall in line along the journey.
I agree with these points, because they all speak on my current period of singleness...far too often, individuals jump into a courtship that may or may not lead to marriage looking for another person to complete them when instead they should be looking for someone to compliment them! When you are in a period of being single, that is the time for you to better yourself and get closer to God so that He speaks through you, and the same for your mate. You should, before you get into a relationship or enter into the covenant of marriage, know who YOU are and be malleable with God's help...this isn't to say that anyone is perfect but it is instead saying I am flawed and a work in progress but God made me for you and you for me so have me as I am and help me to work on the things...good post!!!
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