Just when I thought.... (venting)
Have you ever cleaned up your house/apartment, real good, I mean real good and sit back and admire your handy work you notice/realize you left something out or missed a spot and now you have to go back and clean it up after you thought you were ALREADY DONE? Makes you feel some kinda way, doesn't it... **Sigh** That's how I feel right now.
I've worked really hard to clean my life up... pick up the pieces of my broken heart from a failed relationship, allow my emotional scars to heal, and just press forward and move on.... and every once in a while there is a reminder or something that happens or something that is said/done, something I hear/notice that triggers my emotions all over again and I realize... I've made progress but I'm still not there yet, and I still have some cleaning to do.
I can and try to do what I can to minimize confrontation with my 'triggers' but what happens when you have no control of the things that could potentially affect you? How do you deal with that, really? Its hard and I just got slapped in the face tonight with just how difficult that can be. How do you keep your distance when the distance between you has gone from several miles to less than 2. Yes less than TWO, 1 POINT 2 to be exact..... I have this really unsettling feeling in my stomach right now about how the whole situation was even handled and when I even think about it and I want to get angry all over again, but that means they WIN...
I've been okay... I've been in a good place, a great place actually and I know that things will come up to 'test' my progress. So, with that being said, I'll try to take this one in stride and keep it moving...It's hard sometimes to take control over your feelings, demand then to stay in sync with what you want them to be. I think another thing that bothers me is that NO ONE ELSE can push my buttons like this person can. Like they know exactly what to say and exactly what to do to set me off... I don't think its always intentional but its really annoying nonetheless, stirring up drama, emotions, feelings and thoughts when its really unnecessary.... When I started writing this blog, I was angry and now I've calmed down quite a bit and it might not be as bad as I originally thought, but I still feel some kinda way about it. #kanyeshrug.... I'm just going to pray about it and leave it alone... and remember not to allow other people to kill my mood, upset me, or engage me in their unwarranted mess and foolishness....
**wooo-saaaah**
~Mo
I've worked really hard to clean my life up... pick up the pieces of my broken heart from a failed relationship, allow my emotional scars to heal, and just press forward and move on.... and every once in a while there is a reminder or something that happens or something that is said/done, something I hear/notice that triggers my emotions all over again and I realize... I've made progress but I'm still not there yet, and I still have some cleaning to do.
I can and try to do what I can to minimize confrontation with my 'triggers' but what happens when you have no control of the things that could potentially affect you? How do you deal with that, really? Its hard and I just got slapped in the face tonight with just how difficult that can be. How do you keep your distance when the distance between you has gone from several miles to less than 2. Yes less than TWO, 1 POINT 2 to be exact..... I have this really unsettling feeling in my stomach right now about how the whole situation was even handled and when I even think about it and I want to get angry all over again, but that means they WIN...
I've been okay... I've been in a good place, a great place actually and I know that things will come up to 'test' my progress. So, with that being said, I'll try to take this one in stride and keep it moving...It's hard sometimes to take control over your feelings, demand then to stay in sync with what you want them to be. I think another thing that bothers me is that NO ONE ELSE can push my buttons like this person can. Like they know exactly what to say and exactly what to do to set me off... I don't think its always intentional but its really annoying nonetheless, stirring up drama, emotions, feelings and thoughts when its really unnecessary.... When I started writing this blog, I was angry and now I've calmed down quite a bit and it might not be as bad as I originally thought, but I still feel some kinda way about it. #kanyeshrug.... I'm just going to pray about it and leave it alone... and remember not to allow other people to kill my mood, upset me, or engage me in their unwarranted mess and foolishness....
**wooo-saaaah**
~Mo
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