Friends With Benefits: Share Your Thoughts
So occasionally, my co-workers and I have this 'hot topic' tradition where we discuss controversial, interesting, and just juicy and 'hot' stuff at work during lunch, lol. Today's topic happened to be 'Friends With Benefits' (FWB).
Just for a good laugh, I looked it up on Urban Dictionary and this is what the experts had to say about what FWB means...
Just for a good laugh, I looked it up on Urban Dictionary and this is what the experts had to say about what FWB means...
- Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment
- A physically involved relationship, where both partners enjoy some comforts of sitting on the fence between serious relationship and simple friendship.
- A healthy, fun sexual relationship between two people......Until one falls for the other, The friendship blows to pieces. And those two people find themselves worse off than they were before.
- Two very good friends that share in sexual acts with each other with no emotional connection or boyfriend-girlfriend label. Just engaging in the act of sex for fun.
- Two friends with a very casual dating relationship. The benefits can be really good, long, flirty conversations; make-out sessions with no commitment; sex without commitment; etc.
Me, personally, I think the full definition of FWB falls somewhere in between all of the 4 definitions listed above, plus some. I think its having the benefits of a relationship without the title, basically. But I totally understand how it could happen and even why. I also agree that the game does change when one or both people become emotionally involved, but I can see how this type of situation works well for some people when discussed up front. Today, in our discussion some of my co-workers expressed that they don't think FWB is possible or even a valid title... for them, its either a relationship or a 'bootycall', no in between; its just that people in the FWB arrangement don't want to acknowledge that its really a relationship. They had some really valid points so now I bring it to you to see what you think about this whole thing. :)
Feel free to leave a comment below and tell me if you think its valid, if it works, why it works and if you think people can be just friends again when their FWB arrangement is discontinued.... lets talk about it!
~Mo~
~Mo~
Considering I've been in the predicament before, I don't think there is a such thing as FWB, even if the "terms" are discussed up front...people can act as if the act of sex has no meaning or importance to them and they are just doing it to get a "fix" but in my opinion, IF YOU KEEP GOING BACK TO THE SAME PERSON, feelings are bound to arise and that complicates the whole FWB concept as you and your co-workers have mentioned...if it is successful it's because one or both individuals involved are in some sort of denial about how they really feel and this also creates issues with being just friends if the FWB arrangement is no longer an option! It is possible to be just friends loooooong after the arrangement is over but because time has passed the feelings will be there and desire will as well...
ReplyDeleteMy current boo, we started off as "FWB" .... But going into it , he had already been trying to get with me for five years, so I guess there was already feelings developed on his end. Needless to say, that title didn't work too well because feelings did get involved and now we're in a relationship. I honestly don't think FWB can exist ....
ReplyDeleteWow....hmmm...After reviewing my past relationships, I am going to come to the educated conclusion that FWB is almost impossible for the average human being. Sex is a very connecting force for many people. Sex is what ties many people together. If two people have sex after knowing each other for whatever amount of time, their relationship has completely changed. And a benefit of a true friend is not getting some from them (just a side note).
ReplyDeleteWhat it SHOULD be called is SEX WITH BENEFITS. Benefits include: (1)not having to be tied to someone (marriage or long term relationship)if you choose not to, (2)not having the responsibility the above relationships while just getting the good, (3)having the ability to be with whoever you want without explanation. I'm sure there are others but those are what comes to mind.
In most (please don't hint how many, LOL) of my past FWB relationships, either we both fell for each other, knowing we were not compatible beyond our 'friendship', I fell for him, or he fell for me and the other was not interested in more. Ugh...thinking back on it, it's annoying to think I wasted that time but hey, it happened and I accept it and my learned lesson is hold on for my husband. Hardly easy, and I have my tempting days; however, I know what my heart truly desires and I listening to that more than my flesh.
Ok, enough ranting. I surely wont judge anyone who chooses to live this life. However, I think this arrangement is complicated and can cause a lot of unnecessary, negative feelings as an end result.
@thanks for posting guys...I definitely think you all have valid points of view. And I agree that its daaaaaaaaaaaaaaangerous territory and could forever change a friendship. @Stefanie I like your sex with benefits comment cause that's what it is. So often we hear the term tossed around like its the norm but I don't see how people really stay in the zone... You're gonna cross a line one way or the other and things will change. I think it could be a FWB situation only if it happened once or twice...and thats even tricky - because if you do continue to go back as anonymous said, its definitely more than a causal arrangement. Another thing to point out that someone said earlier about this topic was its just two people using each other and who wants to be used? Just as a means to an end...
ReplyDelete